mocking_people_of_walmart

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Oh sorry buddy, I didn’t know you were in such a hurry to go shopping for a new TV that you had to haul ass out of the trailer without a shirt or pair of shoes. I’m pretty sure Vizio decided to make more than one TV to sell, but what do I know, right?
Oklahoma

Clearly, good sir, you are mistaken. This man was lounging beside the pool on his 50 acre estate when he discovered that his dog's television broke. Never one to let poor Spike suffer, he immediately hauled ass to WalMart for a temporary replacement until he could buy a bigger TV from a better brand.

If you're wondering why his hired staff isn't at WalMart buying it, that's because they were cleaning up Spike's diarrheal explosion that he dragged through five rooms in the mansion. Poor thing goes crazy without his television.

I’m not even going to thing about pick-pocketing this guy. Honestly, where is that chain wallet going into because that doesn’t look like a pocket to me.
Texas

Kid, I don't know where you're coming from, but that looks like a brilliant idea to me. I guess you never developed those good habits. You know, like winding the strap on your bag around your ankle or draping a hand over it at all times or keeping an eye on it when strangers talk to you because it might be a diversion so somebody else can slip in your stuff and jack the valuables while you're busy talking. (Lost an iPod that way).

If nobody wants to go down there (if I tried this, results would be bad), then your money, credit/debit cards, forms of identification, and other various items that are important to have for societal reasons are safe!